dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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