Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
