I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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