no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
