T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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