East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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