she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
