Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
