so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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