am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
