Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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