I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
being pregnant is like rehab
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
