she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
