Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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