he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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