Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
