can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
