she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
