life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
