handjob tips. give me some.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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