the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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