We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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