but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
