You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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