I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
handjob tips. give me some.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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