my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize