even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
