she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
