The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
