I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
