If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
