I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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