I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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