Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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