Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We left the knife in your bed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
