In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
