the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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