I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
