Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
