Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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