woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
