didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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