Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
