Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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