Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
