As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Green mimosas i think yes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize