nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ttyl tear gas
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
