Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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