Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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