i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
