Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
