JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
