Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
third nipple confirmed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
