just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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