Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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