The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
