I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
