I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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