She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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