I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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