So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
