I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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