He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
