whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
