You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
