just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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