I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
