yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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