I got chris browned last night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
