She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
