Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize