he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's like iHOP with fire
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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