hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love you.
Bad choice
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
