I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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