There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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