how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
