just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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