I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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