He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
