how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
