the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
